I don't miss high school (in fact I detested the whole experience and still have fantasies of setting some of the people I hated on fire and cackling gleefully), but I miss the art I used to do. Not just the Chinese painting, but drawing in general. I used to draw a new picture every hour, always trying to practice to get better and to learn more.
It didn't matter to me if my drawings were ugly, because at the time I couldn't tell the difference. I loved all my drawings because they were my creations, and I took any criticism people gave as just a part of the process of improving my art. By now I've seen beautiful artwork online and it all just sickens me because I know my own art is not worthy of being displayed on the same site as theirs, yet it is.
Now, though, I hardly pick up a pencil more than once a week, if at all. I guess I just don't care anymore. I used to think drawing was something anyone could learn, but now after having studied some human anatomy and drawing techniques, I think art is better left to the experts than amateurs like me. I've met great artists and I've seen what they can do, and I know myself better than anyone. I know what styles suit me and what don't.
That's why I get resentful when people try to convince me that I could be a good artist if I just practiced. I don't know where people get off trying to convince someone to do something like that, because in the end when the person doesn't achieve it, all you've done is broken his or her spirit when the person realizes all their efforts were in vain.
You don't see a lot of art from me because most of it ends up in the trash can or never being saved on my computer.
I'm so sick of everything online in general. I wish I could delete every trace of myself online and start over.
Oh, and recently I started practicing some Chinese painting again (which I haven't done in two years), only to realize that my wrist and arm have become too weak from disuse to paint anything.
-->Luna
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Sammi Cheng!